Mental Health – Depression

Depression…  let’s talk about it.

When I was 18 I was handed an anti depressant by my gynecologist , yea the gyno! I actually took the antidepressant for one year gained 40 pounds and was miserable. I was simply having a bad day when I walked in his office and I was handed a prescription drug. Not much has changed since then with doctors. In fact today with big Pharma Working hand-in-hand with doctors antidepressants are handed out like candy.

Winging myself off an antidepressant was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

Here are my thoughts today.

A) If you are severely depressed or, if you fluctuate between extreme highs and lows you need to speak to someone. It’s not something to take lightly. Never and I mean never try to wing off any type of SSRI alone. This needs to be done over a long period of time. That being said there are several studies proving that SSRIs actually lead to further depression. Here’s another fact for you every mass shooting in the past 10 years has had a person that has been on or immediately winged off their medication. So again…talk to your doctor and be legit about your goals to slowly wing yourself off.

We all have good days and bad days as well as highs and lows. If you are a highly creative person, this is especially the case. Sometimes you need a time out from the chatter and the noise around you. It’s a time to center yourself and get back to your roots. Just make sure your solitude does not become a refuge to hide behind a deeper problem.

C) Reach out to talk to someone if you find yourself slipping into a dark room with no door handle. This is vitally important. You can compartmentalize a lot of things but when you begin to compartmentalize your feelings without communicating to others you steal both you and the other persons (people) ability to move past situations with growth and resilience.

D) Be keenly aware of the box of stagnancy that you or, someone else has placed you in. You are in control of breaking free. No one else holds the box cutter but you.

E) Become one with nature I can’t talk enough about this. When we see things from an above perspective…how the bark of a tree peels itself off like the peeling of an onion of all that we are…it’s moving, truly moving. It reminds us of how small we really are in this big world we live in.

F) Find one good person you can always go to. Someone who is trustworthy, someone who will not share your secrets with others. That one person who is honest and who walks in integrity. They may not be perfect however if they truly understand you, they do have an important role in your life.

G) Protect your energy always! Energy vampires DO exist! Once you are aware of this …even the mere seeing of them pop up on your Facebook stories can send you into a tailspin of hibernation and depression.

Be mindful, they know this…it is up to you to measure the level of detachment necessary for you to be at peace.

I hope this helped in even a small way.
Love you, please love yourself

The struggle I’ve always been too embarrassed to share.

Why I keep my food so simple/My struggle with OCD

Several years ago, after high school people around me noticed a strive for perfection that seemed to be deeply rooted within me. They also noticed a “routine” that as long as it was in place kept me happy because my goals were being reached at incredible speed. 

When I was 22 this was diagnosed as “OCD” or obsessive compulsive dissorder. My “illness” was surrounding diet and exercise. I always kept this as a secret. My significant other at the time knew and supported my decision to avoid medication in order to “keep it in check”.

Eventually this became an eating disorder called binge/bulimia. At my sickest I was 90 pounds. Instead of seeking help from a place that would feed me crap food and put me on drugs, I chose to educate myself on living foods, juicing and fasting in order to crush my addictive behaviors. I traveled around to meet very well known pioneers in the health industry. While others were going out drinking, I was barricading myself in my home reading, learning and studying the art of detoxification on a cellular level.

I did this all on my own, with God by my side. It took me almost a decade to be in the position I am today. I’m not perfect by any means. I still struggle every once in a while as we all do.

I will say that part of my healing process was to learn to keep my food very simple and very clean! This has a biochemical effect on the body and keeps my triggers at bay. Staying on an early to rise and early to bed routine during the week also has helped me tremendously. Recently, I’ve let this routine go and have noticed a significant difference in my “rituals” and mood. It is up to me to get it back on track but also to not stay so rigid that it causes me to fall back into my OCD habits.

The biggest struggle I’ve had is to actually come out with this in public. I was always scared that people wouldn’t love and accept me any longer. You really learn who your true friends are and who the people are that love you when you admit to having such an issue. 

About a year ago, I dated a man with the same struggle. He brought me face to face with my own illness and that was a very sobering moment in how far I had come.

I’m feeling grateful today for the people in my life and the struggle I have undergone. Those who accept me know that this has meant the world to me. Those who choose to not accept me for my faults and unique way of dealing with them have more work to do on their own journey. For those who have been supportive, especially my mother…I thank you for accepting me, ALL of me and the best part of my soul. ♡♡♡

On a side note I would like to wish my mother (a true saint) Bonnie Cox a very happy birthday today! I love you mom and would be nothing without your caring kind heart!