The struggle I’ve always been too embarrassed to share.

Why I keep my food so simple/My struggle with OCD

Several years ago, after high school people around me noticed a strive for perfection that seemed to be deeply rooted within me. They also noticed a “routine” that as long as it was in place kept me happy because my goals were being reached at incredible speed. 

When I was 22 this was diagnosed as “OCD” or obsessive compulsive dissorder. My “illness” was surrounding diet and exercise. I always kept this as a secret. My significant other at the time knew and supported my decision to avoid medication in order to “keep it in check”.

Eventually this became an eating disorder called binge/bulimia. At my sickest I was 90 pounds. Instead of seeking help from a place that would feed me crap food and put me on drugs, I chose to educate myself on living foods, juicing and fasting in order to crush my addictive behaviors. I traveled around to meet very well known pioneers in the health industry. While others were going out drinking, I was barricading myself in my home reading, learning and studying the art of detoxification on a cellular level.

I did this all on my own, with God by my side. It took me almost a decade to be in the position I am today. I’m not perfect by any means. I still struggle every once in a while as we all do.

I will say that part of my healing process was to learn to keep my food very simple and very clean! This has a biochemical effect on the body and keeps my triggers at bay. Staying on an early to rise and early to bed routine during the week also has helped me tremendously. Recently, I’ve let this routine go and have noticed a significant difference in my “rituals” and mood. It is up to me to get it back on track but also to not stay so rigid that it causes me to fall back into my OCD habits.

The biggest struggle I’ve had is to actually come out with this in public. I was always scared that people wouldn’t love and accept me any longer. You really learn who your true friends are and who the people are that love you when you admit to having such an issue. 

About a year ago, I dated a man with the same struggle. He brought me face to face with my own illness and that was a very sobering moment in how far I had come.

I’m feeling grateful today for the people in my life and the struggle I have undergone. Those who accept me know that this has meant the world to me. Those who choose to not accept me for my faults and unique way of dealing with them have more work to do on their own journey. For those who have been supportive, especially my mother…I thank you for accepting me, ALL of me and the best part of my soul. ♡♡♡

On a side note I would like to wish my mother (a true saint) Bonnie Cox a very happy birthday today! I love you mom and would be nothing without your caring kind heart!