God, the Universe and our spirit guides have a plan!

I had stopped doing yoga
Somehow taking care of myself wasn’t important anymore
I think the worst part about it is I spent more time alone that last year we were together than ever before

I felt easily Disposable
And within that disposability I found myself again.
Here had lied my take on it
But then I realized that was not his take at all

There was a lot done for me
A lot that I could’ve done for myself
There were endless errands ran on my behalf
But he loved doing little things for me
Many times I didn’t have to ask
Juice would be delivered on my doorstep
The trash cans were taken down on Thursdays
Water bottles were filled once a week with alkaline water
He liked doing the dishes
Even if he grew tired of the company

And yes I did a lot for him
Constant head rubs through his hair as he drove us towards our adventures

Little adventures for him ~ HUGE adventures for me
I once did cranial sacral on him to calm his anxiety
I made him the healthiest meal’s balancing his omega sixes threes and nine’s
Tonic elixirs and other surprises  in the morning
I had learned not to upset him
That Tongue was brutal

But every relationship no matter how strong has a karmic cycle to go through
Our’s felt like a war
a war with casualties on every corner
there were land mines everywhere
you had to watch your step
too many people in the ballgame
All from the past
Many reaching for a handout
And many who knew he had a fragile mind out to cause confusion
I woke one day and had lost hope
I couldn’t see a future anymore
Not like this
Not without healthy boundaries

I began to feel unprotected
I started to get E-mails
Phone calls
And even horrible comments on my social media from his past
This went on the whole time
The entire length of our union
And all along
I was called “crazy”

But I began to see my part in it as well
I began taking from him like the others
In order to heal myself and heal my heart I had to recognize my part in a very good
very beautiful thing
that went very wrong

I loved way too much
And yes, I lost my health and myself in the process
He loved way to Little
And gave way too much out of his own fear of being alone.

And I couldn’t go back when he returned
I hadn’t yet learned my lesson
Nor had he
I hadn’t recognized that my…
beautiful food displays
my daily yoga practice
my nature hikes with the dogs
and my smile had escaped me

I had forgotten how to get to the farmers market that I had spent every Sunday at for the past six years…I had lost my way

I ran into him the other day
He was at my favorite grocery store
The store he always said “he hated”
I found it bewildering
Why now
Our spirit guides wanted us to see something
That we were different
Yet still the same
A little older now
A bit wiser
But still up to the same

I grabbed my strength and walked up to him
I stroked my hand across his back and gave him a wave as I walked away
My heart felt a butterfly
But as I left the store the butterfly flew away
I knew that now…
Now I was healed
my heart was back in tact
my souls calling stood before me
I had found my peace
Not from looking outside myself
But from going within
I now know whatever is for me ….I need not walk after
chase after
Or ever feel the need to look after
Whatever is for me lays in destiny’s hands
And he
she
it ….will seek me in its most authentic form of creation.

Copyright Andrea Leigh Cox Inc 

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