Emotional Codependency

Hello Beautiful, I’m headed out to Newport beach for a day or two and wanted to touch base with you. Today I woke feeling exhausted and a bit overwhelmed. I looked in the mirror and said to myself “WOW… you look tired”!

To be honest with you this has happened several times over the past year and a half. After meditating here is the conclusion I came to. If it exhausts or confuses me… I don’t want it in my life. If it doesn’t show love, empathy and compassion, I don’t want it in my life. 

I realized that lately I’ve been focusing on spending time with people who not only show empathy and compassion but who also desire to spend time with me too. Sounds easy right? Not so much.

In both relationships and friendships we need healthy boundaries. When we don’t have these healthy boundaries at least one person is suppressing their emotions. When this happens, the emotions generally flair up in the opposite person. Let me give you an example of this. Lets say one person isn’t getting their needs met in a relationship. Their partner is in and out of their life and unexpressive about the way they truly feel. Nine times out of ten the opposite partner will end up expressing themselves in a loud or out spoken way. The original partner then calls the partner “moody or crazy”. And then the cycle begins.

By saying out loud to myself If it exhausts or confuses me… I don’t want it in my life. I begin to turn away from what I know doesn’t hold love empathy and compassion for the relationship or me. 

The bottom line is relationships are not about one person winning over the other. Relationships are about working together in order to grow spiritually together.

I Love you, Until tomorrow, Please love yourself

My best friend

Just because I love you today

Doesn’t mean I will love you tomorrow

The way I feel for you will change

Just like the way you loved me changed

I will always love you

I just may not “love” you

This doesn’t mean I still don’t need you

Your voice

Your touch

Your early morning call to see if I’m ok

Don’t be angry with me

Despondent

Harsh with your words

Don’t  shut me out

Go away

Abandon me

If I love you today

I will love you tomorrow

I just may not be in love with you

And this is ok

It’s to be understood

It’s to be embraced

Spoken about

Speaking is how you fix problems

Nipping them in the bud

Please don’t run away

If I say I love you

But don’t want to make love to you

This doesn’t mean I want you to disappear

Going away forever

Leaving me won’t fix the problem

Abandoning what we have…had…once were

This won’t make things better

When your best friend comes to visit

How do you feel when she leaves?

Do you miss her?

Her laugh

Her smile

her hair tickling your shoulder when you embrace

Her morning tonics that make your brain work better

Do you miss the way your body fit perfectly into yours when you would sleep at night

Do you miss the way she would try to hold your hand when you were driving

You always pushed her hand away

But she tried every time

Didn’t she?

So why abandon her

Your best friend

She still loves you

She may not be in love with you

It has nothing to do with you

Your looks

Your bank account

Your status

I think she may have gotten tired of not feeling

Being aloud to feel

Or feeling as though she had to constantly try so hard to make you feel a certain way

She’s still your friend tho

The woman who kisses in public

Rubs your curly hair while you drive

Made you 10,999 omega balanced salads

So don’t purposely try to hurt her

She has scars all over from this battle

From head to toe

She just doesn’t love you the way she used to

Because loving someone requires balance

Giving and receiving

No dear ….no….we aren’t speaking of currency

I know it’s your favorite topic

Try to pay attention here

We are speaking of a balance of love

Giving and receiving of affection

Of time

Of heart felt conversation and connection

Connection far deeper than the ocean

I know you see everything as an investment

I’m sorry you feel that this investment was a waste

I assure you it was not

I learned so much

What I will and will not allow

You learned lessons too

I just don’t love you the same way I used to

Because you stopped investing your love into me

It hurt at first

I’m better now

I just don’t love you that way anymore

You see it’s not the way you speak to a woman

It’s not what you do for her

It’s the way you make her feel

I Love you ~ your best friend

 

Abandonment Series ~ Self Love Sunday!

Hi Lovley!

Tonight I want to share something with you that I shared this afternoon on my social media. Within minutes it had over 200 likes and 100 comments NOT from men liking this photo. FROM WOMEN who resonated with my words below!

What I’m about to share comes from a very vulnerable place that I don’t like to step into unless I’m feeling EXTREME support & love! Every woman and man need that. It is rare these days to see a couple who reciprocate that to one another. Enjoy my indirect yet direct depiction of my abandonment issues in play! It is part one of a seven-day series I’m doing this week all about abandonment & self-love!

Yesterday was my birthday & although I would LOVE to share with all of you that it was sunshine and rainbows with unicorns jumping over invisible fences, it was not. It was a sad day for me and one of distress. I’ve not been to bed yet and quite honestly it’s now after 5pm and I’m so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open. However, Just as I knew I would, I went through the day full throttle without napping. My BIG A type personality! 🙂

I’ve struggled with my abandonment issues for so many years that when those feelings come on I don’t even realize it. At times I can be the strongest woman in the world and at other times I can literally be groveling on my hands and knees in tears. Some may say that’s crazy and others may say that it’s “just being a woman”. I say, it’s me, Living from a place of desperately not wanting to think about when the world is gone and done and there’s nothing but dust & dirt on this earth. Then, I’ll be forced to face my greatest fear. Once no one is left here, I won’t be able to find you again……
I won’t be able to touch you again or run my fingers through your hair and smell your scent on my nightshirt the next morning. This is why I go from powerful to weak! This is how I go from a woman to a little girl! This is why I kick and scream, push and pull, stay then leave. This is how I know I love you.

Thank you for all of the beautiful birthday wishes yesterday and today they touched my heart. If you are reading this and know someone that can potentially benefit from this, PLEASE SHARE on your social media! They will be thankful and so will I!:)

Below a little self-esteem video boost for the ladies tonight!

Remember to always Love Yourself!

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Andrea L Cox is the owner of  The Healthy Haven & www.alkalizewithandrea.com   (Detox, Yoga, Juice fast & Raw Food Educational Retreats!)

Andrea is a fitness model turned health coach who has written two books on the raw vegan healthy detoxing lifestyle! Known as “The Detox Queen” She has taken the media by storm & has an impressive social media following with her YouTube channel surpassing 2 million views & her personal Facebook page alone having 20,000 people! 

Andrea has appeared on numerous news stations TV shows and magazine publications in her hometown of Dayton Ohio and now where she lives in San Diego! She has also had national media coverage! Her retreats have become a destination health vacation for several Hollywood celebrities! 

Andrea’s online detox programs may be found at www.thehealthyhaven.net 

Andrea’s retreats can be found at www.alkalizewithandrea.com 

If you’ve not checked out Andrea’s Facebook, YouTube, Instagram or Twitter yet FOLLOW her below!!! She would love to see you there! 

I want to connect with you!

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